Transitions…the word can create instant anxiety.
I haven’t done any writing in a long time. Not really on purpose, not really too busy, just not really wanting to, but really wanting to at the same time. That probably makes sense to some.
I guess I feel like unless I’m going through some big storm and have words of wisdom to share, I should just keep quiet. Because my life, well it’s pretty boring (to some) now and uneventful and I’m loving much of it. No one wants to hear about ho hum.
They only want to hear about your misery. Oh evil one, be quiet.
So I had a big transition in my job last year, and the position that I thought I loved went away, the company sold the offices I managed, new folks came in and at first I thought I would be okay. It became pretty apparent very soon in that it was not at all going to be okay and definitely not a good fit and besides, they had no intention of keeping me, except to smooth the way with the staff and customers. They weren’t real slick in their communications and I did come across several items and slips of the tongues that laid it out for me. That’s business, I guess. But it was also my life, or a big part of it. I had to let that go and my old company created a position for me but it included a substantial cut in salary in the process.
Here’s the thing, early into that transition back to my old company and with the lessor salary, I realized that I didn’t seem to be wanting for anything. God was encouraging me to take a big slice of humble pie and get off of my “I’m a big deal” mountain because friends, I was not that at all. There is only room for ONE who is ALL THAT and the center of it all and it’s NOT ME!
God sometimes needs to strip us of ourselves so we can begin to see Himself. God shows us that there is no way we can fly this life plane with Jesus as our Co-Pilot because we’re going to crash and burn. JESUS is our pilot!
Our identity is never in ourselves but is always rooted in Christ.
So I ate that humble pie and found service to others was pretty rewarding. Being a support employee instead of a lead employee is incredibly rewarding and a whole lot less stress.
Just recently, in the last several months, my husband and I resumed tithing, which took a sort of hiatus while we were trying to figure out the reduced finances. Boy was that dumb. Within 2 weeks of kicking that off, the Lord blessed us with a surprise salary package that allowed for me to obtain that prior salary (and more) with the addition of a bonus package. I need to work for it, and that’s a good thing.
I was watching the National Geographic channel last night and it there was a video of a large brown bear in Alaska, waiting for the summer tide to roll out so she could dig for clams. She would need to consume 1,000 of them a day to keep up her caloric intake, and during those hours the tide was out she worked hard for every morsel. What would it be if she just came across a pile of clams ready for her to eat? “Bear Manna?” Well, it would be one lazy bear. The same for us as people, if God just handed us things, we would be lazy and unappreciative.
I think, at this state in my life, I am finally realizing some wisdom.
Another transition for me, my dad is getting remarried next month. I’m not at all excited about this. In fact, the closer it comes, the more dread I feel. His wife-to-be has moved into the house dad shared with my mom, and moved things around, acquired replacement furniture, and even my moms wedding ring has been re-mastered to be a new ring for her. This last part, it’s infuriating to me. My dad shared that with me before the fact, I voiced my objections, and he said “I’m not asking your permission, I’m telling you that I’m doing it.” Ouch. I’m not liking this latest transition, but it’s his life and not mine. I don’t dislike her, I just feel all of this is too “in my face.” I need to come to acceptance, I love my dad, and my mom is gone forever. But she will never be replaced. Dad is 75…did he really need to get remarried?
I am angry, confused, depressed….a mess.
There are so many things happening in the world that I have no control over. I am realizing my powerlessness. My weakness. My deep need for God. My deep need for my own eternal heritage, it’s the only thing that is lasting. Even though part of me so desperately wants to hide away and become a total hermit, I need to realize that God hasn’t called me to hide myself in shame under a lampstand, but to be His light upon a hill, shining for all to see. Light in a dark and changing world.
I’m reminded of something here. God calls the broken, not the perfect.